


The Darker the Weather

by AlexiaMorana



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Complete, Drama & Romance, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Oral Sex, Outdoor Sex, POV First Person, Post-Canon, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:06:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28613295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexiaMorana/pseuds/AlexiaMorana
Summary: After several months of roaming the NUSA Southwest looking for help, V's heart takes her back to NC and a certain stubborn badge. (Post-'All Along the Watchtower' epilogue)
Relationships: Female V/River Ward, V/River Ward
Comments: 10
Kudos: 36





	1. Do You Still Love Me Like You Used To?

**Author's Note:**

> *Minor spoiler alert for the Nomad ending / All Along the Watchtower epilogue*  
> Minor tweak to one early canon scene

* * *

"The hell are you still doing out here? Every time I come looking for you, you're in a daze staring out into the goddamn sunset. What's gotten into you? You feeling all right?"

Panam's voice could carry across camp on her loudest days and rally even the last of the scorpions from their burrows.

She had the decency tonight to keep it to a minimum, the last questions just above a whisper.

"Nah. Just feel like sittin', that's all."

"Oh, that's a load of shit, V. What's going on, spit it out."

"Really don't feel like gettin' into it."

"All right. Fine. I'll start then. It's been eight months and you're still not dead. Why do you think that is? The fresh air? The wide-open plains? My charming personality? How are those pills treating you?"

"Are you trying to take credit? Maybe a little of all of the above. Pills are good. Love taking drugs that taste like Maelstrom farts. They’re great. Real nice aftertaste... After we pulled out all the miscellaneous chrome, I felt better, too. More... _human_ again."

"Yeah, had to pull quite a few strings to get all those docs in one place for you. Did what we could for our legend."

I scoffed at that term. Legend. Legend of Night City. Jackie wanted to be a Legend but look where that got him.

"V, uh, you know, you have a few suitors around camp. Why don't you give one of them a chance?"

" _'Suitors_?' Really, Pan? What is this, the goddamn 1800s? No, thanks."

"Why? 'Cause you still think you're gonna kick the bucket any day? Look at me, okay? I'm really glad you chose to come out this way and let the air clean out your hardware, but a girl's gotta go get laid, too. You got other things that need cleaned out. I can give you recommendations."

"Panam!" 

"Okay! I give up," she said, slapping her knees to stand. "Stare into the distance and cleanse your soul before dinner." 

I waited until she had stepped away a few feet before I spoke again.

"River."

"What?"

I looked back over my shoulder to watch her return and sit beside me again on the rocks.

"River. The guy who came out to meet me the day we left."

"How could I forget _that_? What about him? You wanna get back to him? Thought he had brushed you off."

I didn't answer immediately, still unsure what exactly it was I wanted but… "Yeah. I'm thinkin' about it. I was so mad that day. He didn't even give me a hug goodbye. Not sure he'd even wanna see me. He's probably moved on and fallen for another chick he met on a case."

"Oh, I doubt that very much. That man is a goddamn puppy dog. I remember when he sent you that little video message, yeah, don’t think I didn’t overhear that. Inviting himself out for a visit. If he's why you've been sitting out here pining to the heavens every night, then go get it over with. Sitting here isn't doing you any good. And what do you think... day's drive? Take my truck first thing at sunup and get your ass outta here, V. We'll keep in touch and keep looking for ways to help you. But so far you've been doing okay. Got your rough days but not like I used to see you. Go, you got nothing to be scared of. Find your man, tell him you love him, and go fuck him in his trailer."

I play-punched Panam in the arm at that comment and laughed with her at her bluntness. I sighed and stretched out on my back on the rocks, cradling my head with both hands as she stood.

Pan looked down at me and asked another question. "Cock that good, huh?"

"Fuck yeah it was. God damn, probably best I'd had in a long while. Shit. You should probably head back to camp. I need some alone time thinkin' about that."

* * *

I set her truck on cruise-control for the first half of the drive. Took an hour-long nap by a gas station and then by the second half my fingers were tightening on the wheel. 

I didn't get nervous. Never got nervous on a job, never fucked up a contract out of anxiety, never even so much as stuttered when laying out the terms and conditions. So what the hell was happening to me.

Life, I suppose. I'm past my expiration date and I'm still kicking. No bucket in sight.

But Pan said what I couldn't. I got nothing to be scared of. And love? Fuck, never thought about it much after that night. Didn't have time, didn't have the energy, couldn't let myself get distracted. But now? Yeah, now that my mind's empty - no more Johnny - guess I had been pining over River under the stars. _Shit_.

This was one of those times I coulda used Johnny's snark, though.

 _'Can't believe you're makin' me fuck a cop_.'

I missed that bastard.

* * *

It was late evening when I finally pulled up to the edge of the trailer park. Figured I'd walk the rest of the way, just a few paths through the homes until I got to Joss and River's.

One of his past messages to me was that he had moved back in temporarily while Joss was dealing with some health problems. He had wanted to make sure the kids were alright while mom was partially bedridden.

Where the hell were these shakes coming from. You gotta be shittin' me…

I trudged up the main road, doing my best to stay quiet, veering to the right as soon as there was a break in the houses. Their place was just ahead.

 _Dammit_.

I shouldn't say that. I liked those kids.

Yep. _D_ _ammit_.

There was no getting around this. I hunched down low and skirted to the small side staircase of the front stoop where they were sitting under the porch light. No Joss or River in sight. Must be inside.

" _Hey_ ," I whispered.

"V!" they both yelled, bursting up to scamper towards me.

"Shhhh!" I tried to hush them with a finger to my lips but ended up taking them both in a powerful hug. "Oh man! You two are getting strong!" I tried to keep my voice low but I could already hear footfalls coming from inside. Who would it be, who would it be…

"V?"

I straightened and took a step up. "Hey, Joss. How's it hanging?"

"How's it..how's it _hanging_? Kids, get inside, it's late."

They pulled away from me at their mother's demand and disappeared inside under her arm on the open door.

Joss stepped out, letting the door slam behind her.

"How ya feeling?" I asked.

"Could be better. V, you...he told me what had happened after he said goodbye. He said you've been sending photos. Are you...are you okay? You're not still dying, are you? Is that why you're here? _Shit_ , listen to me, it's late, it's been a day, come inside."

"You sure? He here?"

"No, still out on a job, I think. But it's been a couple days so I'd think it would be soon. Come on."

"Not gonna blow my head off with a shotgun behind the frame?"

"You know I'm not as fast as you."

Joss waited with the door propped open behind her and allowed me to slip inside with a head nod. I could hear the kids in their room and Joss asked me to wait in the kitchen as she tucked them in.

I peeked down the hall. River's door was closed. Joss caught me looking as she returned.

"Don't want them playing in there."

"How's Randy?"

"He's doing okay. Been a rough year, of course, but he's doing okay. You know, I had really wanted you to meet him when he got out of the hospital, but you were already long gone by then."

She leaned against the counter and picked up a half-full bottle of shit beer.

"You want one?"

"Nah, been trying to stay sober. Had enough of my head being fucked with."

"Yeah, that makes sense. So what are you doing here, V? As the protective sister, I gotta ask."

"Ask away. And if you don't like my answer then I'll let you deck me one in the jaw. I uh, I guess I just wanted to talk. See how he's been. Apologize in person. Maybe...stick around for a bit, if he's open to that."

She chewed on my words for a while, finishing her drink and tossing the glass in the bin. She sat down opposite me at the table with crossed arms.

"You don't have anything to apologize for. You know, he had told me much later that you were dying. And why. I don't get it. Don't think he did, either. But he was dumb to cut it off with you. And almost downright cruel. The two of you only had a couple jobs together and he wouldn't shut the hell up about you at the time. Deep down, he's a huge romantic. Not perfect by any means, obviously, but still a romantic. You realize that, right? I remember he had told you about the shit that happened when we were kids. About our parents. He doesn't tell anyone that story. He also told you he shot his last girlfriend? That would fuck anyone up. Knock some sense into him, will you? If anyone can, it'll be you, V. All's not lost."

"Okay. I'll try."

"Okay. He's staying at a shit motel a few miles east of here."

"Thought you didn't know where he was."

"I lied. Go."

* * *

I pulled up to the outside office and scanned the parking lot (sans optics) for River's truck.

Fucking shaking hands. Damn nerves again. I just needed sleep. Long long sleep.

I had two choices. Keep looking and surprise him at the door or…

I got myself a room and slipped the number on a piece of paper under his wiper blades. Signed, **V** _isit me_. 

He'd see it. If he was a halfway decent PI, he'd notice.

Fifteen minutes and two cigarettes later, there was a soft rap at the door.

I burned out the rest of the butt in the ashtray on the small table and stood with a stretch. Now or never.

I pushed the inside button for the door to slide open.

Dark blue tank, lounge pants ending in bare feet, tan skin, his artificial eye that was probably already scanning me, _fuck fucking fuck_.

I stepped back from the door.

"Hey," was all I could manage.

"'Hey' yourself. You're looking good. See you're still alive," he said.

After a moment, he entered, the door zipping shut behind him and I swiveled to lean against the tv stand, gripping the old wood behind me.

"Thanks for noticing."

"Ah, sorry, didn't mean it like that. So, did you just get here?" he asked.

"Drove all goddamn day. Ass actually hurt from sittin' for so long. Still getting used to that."

He was staring with crossed arms, waiting for me to tell him what I was doing here.

"Look, uh, I hit up Joss's place first and talked to her, seeing as I still have no idea where you _actually_ live. It was nice to see her and the kids. She told me you were here. _Fuck_ , you know I shoulda asked if you were already seeing someone before showing up like this. Or if you were in the middle of somethin'... I know it's late."

"Been focusing on the job and the family, V. Can you tell me something, though? This has been chapping at my ass: why didn't you ever let me help you?"

The morning after River and I had sex and he hit me with his heavy question, I had told him about Johnny, about how I was dying. He had said it didn't matter, still wanted to be my boyfriend.

I pushed out a sigh, half to keep myself awake, half to push out the tension building in my gut. "Right to the chase, then.... Because I couldn't lose you. River, people died that day 'cause of me. I never wanted that to happen. Woulda happened to you, too, if you were there. Going through all that, almost losing Panam, losing Saul to that robo-bastard, no damn way in hell was I gonna ask you to go head-first into that place with me. And I'm glad I didn't. I left NC 'cause I wanted to find a way to live. Country's a big place still outside the city. I left 'cause NC wasn't gonna help me anymore. But I had to find a way to live so I could get back here again. So I could see you. Don't you get that now?"

River always had that perfectly bashful and coy look to him. It was mostly due to wanting to look at me with his good eye but damn if it didn't give that effect as well, add in that downward head tilt and even without smiling.... _fuck_.

He took a step forward to place a hand on the TV stand next to mine. Not touching me, just to rest. "Yeah. I do. So, what does that mean? Did you find what you needed? What's going on here?"

 _Fuck damn I wanted to breathe him in_. I withdrew, stepping back towards the ratty bed a pace, and spoke to the window shutters. "Do you remember… you said to go where my heart takes me. Well, that’s back here. You wanted me to find a family and a new life, and I did. The clan's great, but the main reason they're helpin' and lettin' themselves get dragged from one place to another so much is cause I'm paying them. Got that chunk of eddies from Arasaka. But this...here...that night having dinner with your family, it was nice. Peaceful. _Normal_. You remember when your sister asked me about settling down? I think that was the first time I could actually picture somethin'. Have more little get-togethers like that. Small and quiet.”

Before I let anything else gush out of my mistake of a mouth, I pushed out another deep sigh and clasped my hands to my hips, trying to get a read on the man. He was damn good at not showing his cards. 

He stared down at the marked-up wood of the TV stand, lightly scratching a finger into a dent. 

"I wanna...stick around for a few weeks," I said. "We're still tracking down doctors and rippers, I've even been to shamans and yogis and homeopathic places. Got about two months' worth of meds on me. River...maybe...you can come back with me for a while. You said you wanted to before."

He met my gaze again and repositioned himself with crossed arms, leaning his hip against the stand. "You actually thought about this, didn't you," he said. "Can't say I'm not a little surprised. You're actually looking towards a future for once."

"Been looking towards the future this whole time. Had a lot of time to think. I missed you. I’ve really fuckin’ missed you, River. I was so damn _mad_ at you the day I left. Took me a while to come around and understand why you stayed here."

"Nah, I was pissed, too. I was an asshole to you and it was fucked up how I treated you. I was angry that you were leaving and I just...cut you off to protect myself, I guess. I don't think I ever apologized to you for that, either. I'm sorry, V. I really am. Joss wouldn't talk to me for about a week. I think I actually snapped at one of the kids when they mentioned you. It wasn't good. I was a selfish prick. V, I'm glad that going away has helped you...I'm glad you're here. So, uh, any other updates?"

“Yeah. Rippers ripped out everything they could and I had to relearn how to use my body without the implants. I figured maybe somehow that would help. Funny thing is it has, just not how I thought. They told me that by getting rid of that shit, forcing myself to rebuild and strengthen real muscle, they think it’ll… I dunno, reconnect my neurons or something. Build new synapses. Learning anything, it keeps the brain busy. I exercise, I’m reading, I’m trying to learn new languages instead of relying on the translator, hunting, carving, helpin' to fix up the clan’s vehicles… it’s all supposed to be building new connections in my head, maybe reverse some of the loss. I know I shoulda told you. Time just...got away from me. I wanna make up for that now. Please. Thing is, as hopeful as I am finally feeling, I might still have an aneurysm at any second. So if you're not up to the possibility of literally fucking me to death you should leave now."

He chuckled and uncurled his arms to grip the wood behind him again, looking at me with that damn side-eye. "That _is_ tempting."

"Are you being snarky with me, River?" 

"Least you know you'd die happy," he said.

I returned to his side and brushed my fingers along his forearm. The man watched me do so without moving for a couple of moments before I confirmed, "So...Is that a 'yes'?"

"Don't remember you asking me a question."

I leaned in, flitting my eyes over his lips, jaw, neck...waiting a moment for his permission - given with the slightest of nods - and finally, _fucking finally_ , kissed him with that same confirmation as the night up on the water tower. We paused as he allowed me to step around between his legs and gripped my waist to tug me in tight, and I captured his mouth again so we could exchange wordless apologies and affirmations.

I could feel him growing tighter against me, and as much as I wanted to, and _fuck_ , did I want to, I could feel a headache coming on.

I broke in a sharp exhale. " _Shit_. Why do you taste so fucking good, Riv."

"Do you like vending machine burritos?"

"More than I care to admit."

I focused my gaze on his chest and feeling the contrasting textures of his hands, a couple of his fingers having snuck up the hem of my shirt.

"You okay?" he asked.

I could feel myself about to daze out. I granted him another kiss, gentler, weaker.. and broke again to press my cheek to his.

"Tomorrow. I'm sorry," I said. I broke away and collapsed to sit on edge of the bed. "So goddamned tired. Don't have the stamina like I used to." I pressed my hands to my eyes and opened them to River crouching before me.

"Do you need a babysitter?"

I laughed through my nose and said, "Funny thing, back at camp, there's a couple folks there that take turns doin' just that. If I sleep too long, they check on my breathing, my pulse. It's damn embarrassing. But yeah, River, stay with me."

"Will do," he said.

I managed to tug my pants and shoes off by myself and then pushed backwards on the bed as River shut off the light and stretched out on his side with a hand to guide me.

I curled into him, back to front, reaching back to grab his arm and held it tight to my chest. I felt good with him like this. Safe. Quiet.

"Can I...tell you somethin'? Before I pass out?"

"What is it?"

"My real name. V's just an initial."

"Seriously? I thought it was Vee, V-E-E. Are you kidding?"

"No sir," I chuckled. "It's Valorie. Only a couple other people know, so how 'bout you keep that between us for now."

" 'For now?'"

"Yeah. For now."

" _Valorie_. It suits you."

"You think? Thanks."

"Who are the others?"

"Hm? Oh, Panam, of course. And then Mama Welles, she owns a bar in town. And her son...Jackie. He was like a brother to me for a while there. He was the one on the Arasaka job with me that started this whole thing. Wanted to put a smile on his face as he was bleedin' out...before he died."

"Damn, I'm so sorry. You'll have to tell me about him sometime, V. Valorie. What do you prefer?"

"They both sound good outta your mouth. Just stick with V around your family."

" _For now_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the spirit of CP2077 Quest Names being those of songs, chapter title credit: Missio, "Do You Still Love Me Like You Used To?", _The Darker The Weather // The Better The Man_ , 2019. Work title -> album title.


	2. Dizzy

_'Think someone actually wants to polish Mr. Policeman’s badge .'_

I awoke in a jolt, pressure on my shoulder and a voice in my ear. I punched whatever was touching me -

“Dammit, V! It’s just me!”

“Ah, shit,” I said. “Oh, fuck, River, I’m sorry.” I pushed myself up in bed as the man moved back to massage his jaw. “I thought I heard... nevermind.”

“Thought you heard what? I was calling your name and you didn't budge. Does that happen a lot?"

I swung my feet to the floor and turned to look at River properly. He was cracking his jaw and trying to crack a smile with it. He was gonna bruise, all right.

"More than I care to admit, yeah. Are you okay? Forget how strong I am."

 _Nah, that's bullshit_.

"You sure that wasn't revenge for me dumping you?"

He said it in jest but given what I had told him about other boyfriends, well, maybe it had been on my to-do list for a while…

"Eh, come on, River, I'll get my revenge later," I said, standing with a stretch. "It was Johnny. I...thought I heard Johnny makin' fun of me for wanting to get with you. But it was a memory, something he said to me that day we broke into the NCPD."

"Yeah? Not gonna share, are you."

"No, sir. What're you doing up, anyway? What time is it?"

"Time to get my ass out of here. Something came up with a case and I need to leave. You wanna join?"

I pushed out a loud yawn before speaking. "How 'bout you call me if you need me. I need to take my meds and find food."

"Okay. Why don't you head back to Joss's then, I'll find you later and we'll uh...you know."

"Yeah. I need to call Pan, otherwise she'll be out here kicking dust in my eyes. Then we'll talk?"

"We'll talk."

River left the room with a little nod and I departed a few minutes later after taking a weak dribbling shower.

That wasn’t the first time I thought I heard Johnny talking. No more visuals of the asshole, but the auditory hallucinations...those weren’t going away. It was never anything new because he was gone, I knew he was gone for good, but these memories... our neural pathways had been so entangled and fucked up, some part of him stuck for good and I’d hear that snark on repeat. Usually happened at night or just upon waking, like it did this morning.

I pulled up to the same spot as yesterday, popped a couple of my pharma-homeopathic Maelstrom-fart-tasting pills, and did a morning meditation I had learned a long while ago from the Disappearing Monk of NC. I don’t know if any of this shit rightly helped, but at least I didn’t feel worse. Coulda all been placebo effect. Just had to make sure to keep it all up without Panam screaming at me every morning over breakfast.

_Shit, I gotta call her._

“Did you get that cock yet, V?”

I laid my forehead against the steering wheel. “And good morning to you, too, Pan! How’s my best choom doing?” ( _She hated that word. Hated. It._ _And she’d retaliate_. _)_ “For your information, no. Believe it or not, I wanna talk to _you_ about something other than dick.”

“Okay, _pal_. But I still wanna know when you’re gonna -”

“Pan.”

Silence.

“- _rideitlikearodeoclown_. Okay! Okay. I’m done. I know. Fine. How are you feeling? What’s the plan here?”

“Exhausted. Still recovering from that drive. Gonna hang out with his sister. Help out, I guess. I’m kinda hopin’ he’ll need me for a case but -”

“No, V! What you have to do is rest up, chill at their house, and reserve your energy to -”

“Pan, I swear to God - “

“Hey, don’t shush me. You know I’m right.”

“Yeah yeah, thanks for the concern.”

“Did I ever tell you about all the shit you muttered after your surgeries? High as a cloud, I wish I had recorded it.”

I pushed back in the seat to swivel my legs up on the dash as she kept talking.

“You thought you were talking to Johnny, I guess. But you were crying and hollering about ..what was it…Oh, ‘ _Hanako wants my burrito! She’s gonna take my burrito! Stop her! River knows where the burritos are! Where is he?’_ I swear, V, I can’t make this stuff up. Maybe I’ll tell the whole story at your wedding.”

“You are just as bad as his sister and if I’m ever unlucky enough for the two of you to meet, I’m hightailing the fuck outta here and none of ya will see me again. Might even be desperate enough to go work for Arasaka just to get you outta my hair. You’re gonna give me a headache, Pan. I’ve gotta go. If something comes up, you call, I’ll fly out. But you got my shard?”

“Yep, safe and sound. Ah, V, I miss you and your snoring already. Stay safe, remember to take your meds. Don’t make me call your man -”

 _Beep_.

I started the car and stepped on the gas when she followed up with a text.

_I deserved that._

_Remember, we’re moving on to Albuquerque in a couple of days._

_Will keep you posted._

Out of the frying pan into the fire.

Pan’s teasing was the final motivation I needed to come out this way. Joss was another story. She had texted me once or twice over the months but I hadn’t replied. I think I was still so pissed at River at the time I didn’t even want to be diplomatic about it. But looking back on the whole thing, I think she also just wanted a friend. She had been so grateful after River and I found her son, I thought she was gonna throw a backyard wedding for us right then and there just to keep me around.

The park was quiet, so was their trailer. I invited myself in and called for Joss, but it wasn’t her who met me from the kitchen.

“Oh, hey, you must be, V, right? My uncle said you were around.”

“Holy shit. Randy,” I said, meeting the boy for a handshake. “Shit. I’m sorry it took this long to meet. I, uh - “

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain. Mom and River told me everything. Mostly her. I get it.”

“Yeah. So how are you? How’ve you been? Where’re the others, by the way?”

“Early shopping trip. She wanted to take my siblings out for some air. Left me to clean house. And I’m alright.”

“Good. Well hey, I gotta waste time until River gets back, how about I help out?”

“Definitely won’t say no to that.”

Four hours of trash collection, mopping and waxing, laundry, hosing down the patio furniture… I was dead exhausted but it actually felt damn good to be domestic for once. Out with the Aldecaldos the most I ever did was help pitch and take down the tents and scrub the trucks. I told Randy stories of my merc days which seemed so long ago now but it hadn’t even been a year since that all ended.

Joss and her kids returned about halfway through this and she begged for me to relax but I needed to stay busy. Keep those synapses firing and all. But just like every other day I had been keeping busy, I pushed myself too far and finally excused myself to pass out in River’s bed.

* * *

“Hey. V. Valorie. Don’t punch me this time, please.”

I groaned into a stretch and cursed again when I opened my eyes and rolled over. He must have been standing next to me and then went to sit at his desk as he waited for me to get up, watching with one arm resting on the edge.

“Ah fuck it all, River. I’m sorry. Again. Wanted to help out and then ended up here.” I pushed out a yawn and stood with another stretch, combing my fingers through my hair. “Everything go okay today?”

“Yeah. I thought of calling you at some point but now I see I’m glad I didn’t.”

“I coulda made it.”

“Mm, I don’t think so. Think you still need to rest up before anything more intense again.”

I scoffed, thinking of something perfectly _intense_ that I could manage just fine, _fuck you very much_.

He raised an eyebrow but didn’t ask. Instead, he offered me some left-over dinner since I had slept through Randy and the kids knocking on the bedroom door.

“Oh great, so they probably thought I was dead and decided to wait for Uncle River to fish my body outta bed. Good to know.”

“That’s actually when they texted me to get my ass home and check on you.”

“Maybe we find a way to hook up my vitals to your optics. I start flat-lining, you come runnin’.”

“Hm. Might have to.”

“So everyone still awake?”

“Randy’s out. Kids and Joss are outside.”

“I am making a _stellar_ impression, aren’t I?”

I went out into the hall and around to the kitchen where a plate in foil had been left for me. I didn’t even bother finding a chair or reheating the food, instead scoffing down the slab of meatloaf in a few huge mouthfuls. I had barely eaten today. Drank a damn lot and used their toilet even more, but I gotta keep better tabs on my meals. I really was useless without Pan harping on me three times a day.

I had just slammed down another glass of water when River spoke up from behind me. He was sitting in a kitchen chair with crossed arms. _Does the man own any other shirts other than red tanks? He did have that blue one last night… Not that I’m complaining…_

“Were you watching me?” 

“Amazed it took you this long to notice.”

“I get really into my food, Riv,” I said, rinsing out the dishes in the sink. “Never know when it’s gonna be my last meal.” I dried my hands and turned back around. “Don’t give me that look. Sorry! It’s a really bad joke.”

He shook his head. “I was thinking we could go for a drive. Finish our talk,” he said.

“Preem. But I’ll do ya one better. Grab some blankets and we’ll camp in your truck’s bed. I need the air. There’s a nice spot out a ways. Get us a good view of the stars and away from the overhead cables. Whadda say?”

“Only if you tell me what the hell it was Johnny told you that deserved a deck in the jaw this morning.”

I laughed and went over to examine River’s face, running my fingers down the right side. He flinched almost imperceptibly but I chose to take that as a sign of nerves and not pain. “Eh, you don’t look too bad,” I said, straightening back up with crossed arms. “Johnny...he could tell you wanted to get in my pants that day at the station annnnnd he told me I wanted to polish your _badge_. Funny thing is I hadn’t even really thought about ‘til he said somethin’. _Pain in the ass parasitic hallucination_. You happy now? Can we go?”

“Starting to wish I had met the guy,” he said, that goddamn corner smile creeping out. I stepped back so he could stand and pull those requested blankets from his closet.

“Trust me, you _really_ don’t.”

“So what else did he say about me?”

“I think that should be a convo for another night.”

* * *

“All right, River, I gotta ask you something.”

“Shoot.”

“How come we didn’t talk like this before?”

River drew a hand down his face with a sigh before tossing his arms over bent-up knees. We had driven out a few miles east of the trailer park and settled in the back of his truck atop a mess of blankets. I was stretched out on perched-elbows and crossed ankles, looking up at the man beside me prepare an answer.

“‘Cause I was a coward, V. ‘Cause I shut down once I started picturing you dying. I couldn’t help it. What happened to us as kids, Joss and me, after I told you that story, after you stayed over, I started replaying that night more and more. Kept picturing what happened to our parents, replayed it even when I didn’t want to think about it. It was as if telling you somehow triggered a rerun. Over and over. Then when you called me to meet out at your friend’s camp, the defenses went up. Maybe I have some abandonment issues I never addressed. I’m not trying to make excuses here, V, and I get it if you don’t forgive me, just telling you how fucked up it’s been for me. Telling you I didn’t need you...I know you could tell that was a lie and I turned away anyway. But burying myself with work and the people here, it was a stupid, short-sighted reaction. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re such a fuckin’ gonk, River.”

“I’ve been told that many times by many women, yes.”

“So if I stick around this time, knowing full well I might still keel over any second, you’re okay with that?”

“Like I said, at least you’d die happy, right?”

I pushed back to sit, curling my legs to the side so I could face him properly in the truck bed. "I'm gonna stick around until either the meds run out or they find the next doc for me to meet with. Then I'll come back. Keep that up for however long."

"Someone here can't make more for you? What are they?"

"Too much of too-rare shit."

"Your old fixers can't help?"

"River, come on, nothin's free here, even for me. And I ain't going back to jobs, even if they did have a way to churn out these pills. I can't."

"V, you've got a ton of connections here. I'd be surprised if someone can't pull a few strings. No jobs, I get it. Just think about hitting them up."

"Fine. If it shuts you up, I'll think about it. I know I got some old friends I should visit. Maybe next time."

I was thinking the only lead I'd want to contact here was Misty. Wouldn't hurt to swing by later. I really should let her know how I was doing. She’d want to know.

"V, you gotta promise me something though. You gotta let me help you. Otherwise, I'll have to call your friend up and ask for the guidebook. She sounds like the type to have written one on you."

I bust out laughing at the concept. Panam probably did have a set of written rules, stashed under her cot for some late-night reading.

_Chapter I: V's Life Requirements - Cock and Glock_

"She _does_ have an entire shard with my medical history, so you're close! Nah, River, I promise. Okay? I'll tell you what you gotta know."

"Alright."

"Yeah?"

He stretched out in his back, left hand behind his head, and languidly reached out to beckon me down with him.

I joined him on my side, his arm slung around my back to pull me in tight. He finally released his other hand from behind his head to run through my hair. I thumbed at the silver feathers of his necklace, his equally distracted fingers haphazardly tugging at the hem of my shirt.

At our feet, the sun was hitting low in the sky and it was quiet, the evening breeze whistled through the old wind turbines. It hadn’t taken me long to get used to this out with the Aldecaldos. There was still enough chatter and noise at night that it wasn’t dead silent, but being able to finally hear the wind, smell the dirt... it was nice. Holding on to River, I missed this. We laid like this in silence until just a sliver of the sun remained on the horizon.

“So I had an idea. How to make this work,” I said. I readjusted to push up slightly and look down at him, fingers lazily trailing down his chest as I spoke. “You ever make a BD?”

_Down. Down..._

“Never had the eddies or the opportunity. Why’re you -”

_Down._

“Oh.”

I unsnapped and unhinged his belt buckle, working next on his button and fly.

“That, uh, that could be a good idea.”

“Yeah? You got your own halo?” I didn’t break eye contact as I pushed up again and angled my hand down his pants.

“Somewhere in one of the houses, we must - _dammit, V_ ,” he exhaled.

His cock was thick and so fucking warm as I gave a couple testing strokes before needing to free him entirely with a few very sharp tugs on his pants, releasing him from his boots in the process.

“Get up here,” he ordered.

I captured his mouth in a needy and breathy kiss, desperate to make up for lost time. I helped him rid me of my own clothes, the shirt disappeared over one side of the truck, boots somewhere over the other side, pants and underwear precariously hanging off the tailgate.

He flipped us over with a reverberating bang against the inside of the cargo bed and I barely had a moment to laugh at the noise as he held my sides, lips trailing inch by inch down my sternum, ribs, one hip to the other. He pushed up my legs, taunting me with kisses on the inside of either thigh before finally burying his nose, lips, tongue in my folds. I immediately jolted at the contact and he tightened his grip on my legs to keep them apart, his tongue deepening, swirling patterns, hitting me just _so._ I shuttered again at the increasing pressure and punched the side of the truck, hissing at him to get the _fuck_ back up here.

“Don’t wanna come in your mouth, River, not yet.”

“You sure?” He replaced his tongue with a couple fingers of his left hand, massaging inside as he knelt up. He broke free to splay a hand on either side of my head and grant me another kiss so I could taste myself in his mouth, his lips slick with my expulsions.

I reached down to grab his cock and _squeezed_ , eliciting a throaty moan from the man. I gripped his tank with my other hand and tugged, indicating he needed to take the damn thing off already.

A light breeze kicked at us, our increasing moans and hitched breaths the only other audio for miles. If someone else was out camping tonight, they were one lucky gonk.

I pushed River aside so I could flip us over again and straddle the man. The hard lining of the truck wasn’t exactly comfortable but the blankets were already askew so it wasn’t worth fixing them. I knelt forward to steal a kiss, palms firm to his chest, rubbing myself along the length of his dick before pushing back straight. With his help, I lowered myself in one filling take, cursing the Badlands for not giving me this man back sooner.

I leaned forward again slightly, his hands trailing from my hips to waist, firmly gripping my breasts as I rocked, gradually quickening with met thrusts. I don’t know which hand I preferred; didn’t really matter cause they were both his and both fuckin’ amazing.

“V... _fuck..._ Valorie,” he groaned, pulling me down tight. One more roll-over and he re-initiated our increasingly brutal pace, fingers digging into my thighs, his good eye roaming my body, a half-second smile breaking the corner of his slack mouth.

I flung an arm to press against the back of the cab and keep me in place. Last thing we needed was his head going through the window. He returned to me, his lips buried in my neck, and I dug at his back, legs shivering and hips jolting from the metal as I came, he moments after. I released my hand from behind me and gripped his face in my palms for a breathy and mismatched kiss, simultaneous low groans as he pulled out.

_“Fuck, River .”_

He withdrew to kneel back and massage my legs before tugging at one of the haphazard blankets and wrapped us together like one of those XXL vending burritos.

“So, V… Best jambalaya, best coffee, you ready to add to that list?”

“Mmm. Not yet.”

“Ouch. You trying to punish me?”

“No, just gonna need you to fuck me a few more times before I make my decision.”

“Ah. Okay, okay, that's fair. Hey do you uh, need your meds? Water?”

“Mmm. Yeah, water’s good. Meds are on the seat. Then how ‘bout you collect our shit and drive me home.”

“You got it.”

I gathered the blanket tight and perched up to fold my arms over the side of the cargo bed, resting my head atop to watch the rising moon over the Joshua Trees. This was good. I could stay here...

' _Will never fade away!'_

“You say something, V? V?”

Something in my vision flickered. Strings of thin light.

"Val, hey, you okay?"

“Hm? Oh. Yeah. Yeah...it's okay, let's go to sleep."

I pulled up the tailgate, redressed, and joined River in the cab, resting my cheek on my open window as he drove.

 _See ya later,_ _Johnny_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title credit: Missio, "Dizzy", _The Darker The Weather // The Better The Man_ , 2019


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